PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
