Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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