and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
