How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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