If that was your dad, he is hot
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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