listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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