i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
