Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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