Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
