Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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