he wants to bone in the snuggie
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
