i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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