i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He felt like a one man threesome
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
