I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
