I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
