mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
