So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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