suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
