Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
