i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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