I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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