we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
