The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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