absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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