Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
