Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
