I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
