i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Boobs speak an international language.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
