i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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