Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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