I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
