It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
These tits shall not be calmed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
