The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
