He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize