i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
