Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
