did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
