I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
