Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
