Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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