I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
