she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My vagina is officially offended.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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