I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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