i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wish there were birth control emojis
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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