She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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