I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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