Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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