dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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