Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
