i think my mom watched the whole time
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
