Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
