Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
