Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
