I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
