i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i drank out of a bidet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
