the condom got lost in my hair
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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