1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
