So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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