Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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