we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
