I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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