Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
