i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
