Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
