I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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