hotel room ftw
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
