I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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