Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize