you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize