I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
